i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
