i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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