Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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