she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
