So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
