I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just gargled with NyQuil
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
