She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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