i was born a porn star she said
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
