Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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