Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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