my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
