i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
