you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
