dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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