so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize