Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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