It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize