went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
