There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
