been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
