Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
