He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
