oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
