He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
