I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
