i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
