While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
