hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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