the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
