Got a toothbrush?
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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