And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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