I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
