we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pooping to opera.
Randomize