I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize