I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
