can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Who died my cat blue again?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize