Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
