we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
