all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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