How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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