I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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