The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
