What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
