I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
