He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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