this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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