I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
