I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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