I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who died my cat blue again?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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