she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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