so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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