Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
