why didn't you poke me back
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
