if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
