I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
