U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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