The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
