you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
