Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
