make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
