so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this will be a night to untag.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
