Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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