you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
