some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
