You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
