Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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