chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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