You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
