Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
