Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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